Out Now – 30th September 2011

What’s Your Number?
Romantic(?) comedy(?) starring(?) Anna Faris as a woman revisiting her exes to find true love but most likely falls for Chris Evans instead. On the positive side we have Chris Evans, Martin Freeman, Chris Pratt, Joel McHale and Ed Bagley Jr. On the negative side it looks crap.

Melancholia
Forget all that Cannes controversy, even if they are plugging it on the posters, and get excited about a quality art film instead. It’s a relationship drama set at the end of the world, what more do you need?

The Debt
A spy thriller set way back in the late nineties starring Mirren, Wilkinson and Worthington. It promises “startling action and surprising revelations” so be careful out there.

Shark Night 3D
Not nearly as exploitative as the title suggest this Jaws wannabe won’t be nearly as good as the Spielberg classic, nor as fun as Piranha 3D.

Red State
Kevin Smith’s latest is finally with us, bringing a tale of teens kidnapped by fundamentalists. Opinions are split; it is either a return to form or a continued fall from grace. I don’t know, we haven’t seen it. Obviously.

Force
“The film is an action love story of a renegade cop who believes that the only way to eradicate crime is to give criminals the bullet – not handcuffs.” Something tells me he doesn’t play by the rules.

Guilty of Romance (limited release)
Three interlinking stories of women seeking sexual pleasure. Gotta love Japanese cinema.

La Piscine (limited release)
A love triangle leads to disaster in this re-release of late sixties French cinema. POSSIBLE SPOILER ALERT: Someone probably gets murdered at some point. Also, nudity.

Muran (limited release)
Essentially an Indian remake of Strangers on a Train. Don’t know about you but I’d rather see the Hitchcock version.

Cane Toads: The Conquest (limited release)
“A documentary horror film about the environmental devastation left in the wake of the giant toads’ unstoppable march across Australia.” Documentary horror film? You won’t be able to get to sleep for fear of a toad slowly moving across your bedroom.

The Green Wave (limited release)
“A documentary on Iran’s 2010 Green Revolution.” I have nothing more to add.

Broken Lines (limited release)
Despite being engaged to Olivia Williams, a young man embarks on an affair after losing his father, with a waitress who in turn has a paralysed boyfriend. Sounds angst heavy.

Red White & Blue (limited release)
The lovely Noah Taylor takes a dramatic turn as a violent man who gets involved in the life of Erica, a troubled young lady. Billed as a revenge thriller, don’t expect a happy ending.

The Woman (limited release)
A lawyer decides to try to civilise the last remaining member of a violent tribe not realising this will lead to brutal events including “strong bloody violence, gore and sexual violence”.

The Story of Lovers Rock (limited release)
This documentary about how Lovers Rock music defined a generation in the late 70s and 80s doesn’t even have an IMDb page. How do they expect me to work in these conditions?