So everyone’s favourite reality show is back. Only, Lord Sugar claims it’s not a reality show. But we’ll let you in on a little secret: it is. During the airing of an episode social media gets so clogged-up with the bish-bashing of the contestants that the internet almost gives up. It’s far more fun to argue over which child is better on this show than it is the tweens over on X Factor – at least the popstrels realise they’re kids, whilst these idiots reckon they’re about 40.
So let’s meet the line-up and expect spoilers below the cut:
- Lizzie Magee
Weakness: She blends into the background far too easily that I can’t remember even seeing her.
Strength: Her chameleon-ness might make the others forget she’s there, so she’ll avoid being voted off.
- Hayley Forrester
Weakness: She looks like she’s easy to break, almost crying just because the other girls talked over her.
Strength: If it doesn’t work out on the show, she seems privileged enough to get by without thinking twice about it – even if she does end up crying herself to sleep.
- Hannah Richards
Weakness: She’s too normal.
Strength: An underdog is always a good thing.
- Mohamed Awale
Weakness: He was ‘fired’ in the first episode for being an absolutely unwatchable tool.
Strength: His ability to overlook that he’s an idiot.
- Lewis Roman
Weakness: He’s from Merseyside.
Strength: He took down Mohamed with ease. Respect.
- Harry Maxwell
Weakness: He is far too pompous.
Strength: His business brain is actually pretty good.
- Gbemi Okunlola
Weakness: Her attitude makes her far too intimidating.
Strength: That attitude got the job done and nearly made Hayley cry. Lord Sugar makes people cry too. She could be onto something.
- Zara Brownless
Weakness: She hates everyone that has ever existed.
Strength: She’s a good bootlicker.
- Haya Al Dlame
Weakness: She wasn’t very fond of Zorbing.
Strength: She was more than willing to wear a banana costume to sell ice cream.
- Harry Hitchens
Strength: No weaknesses.
- James McCulloch
Weakness: A bit of a glory hogger.
Strength: That Irish charm.
- Ben Fowler
Weakness: See Lizzie Magee.
Strength: See Lizzie Magee.
The first task saw the group of 12 split into boys and girls as they had to show Sugar what they could do with the simplest of tasks: earn a profit. For this he set the task of selling ice cream – easy pickings. Of course, groups of six big-headed children don’t get on very well and so arguments (some hilarious, some just… sad) ensued. In the end, the girls smashed the boys in the task simply because they sold ice cream at an astonishingly high price, whereas the boys at least attempted to be reasonable.
Sometimes Young Apprentice makes me wonder – the show is supposed to be about how mature these youngsters are but they often just break out into infantile arguments or sit sulkily ignoring each other.
Obviously, Mohamed was the first to go. He might have been small, but he was almost more annoying than every series of X Factor put together. Part of me wanted the lad to stay on just so that I would have something to regularly despise. Though, it doesn’t look like we’ll be short of something to loathe as Captain Pomp (Harry M) and Captain Vanilla (James) seem to be at each other’s throats, so let’s hope they stay on for a while.
Did You Notice
- I’ve never made ice cream, myself but I have to admit that not only did the girls smash the boys at the task, beating them by over £100 in profit, but their ice cream was far more attractive with its professional swirls and alluring pinkness.
- Sugar’s male aide pulled a face like he had trapped wind every time the girls made a rash decision. Let’s hope he takes some Gaviscon for that by next week.
- Even though Gbemi is an absolute hard-ass, you have to adore her for her awestricken reaction to the Young Apprentice House. What a dear.
- I thought £1.50 was scarily expensive for one scoop of ice cream, so I had a mild heart attack when Sugar’s female aide essentially called the boys idiots for being so cheap with their product.
New series, new contestants, new laughs and horrors. This series looks full of enough variety to provide all of the reality show madness that Lord Sugar claims the show isn’t supposed to have and I personally cannot wait for the antics to take place. I’ve been a bit harsh on Mohamed but if there was any reason to like him it was his leaving statement: “I’m still going to be a success and it’s gonna be Lord Sugar that regrets it.”
Amazing. See you next week.
Young Apprentice airs Mondays on BBC1 at 9pm and is available on iPlayer right now.