Out Now – 24th February 2012

Safe House
Ryan Reynolds is a young CIA Agent with a single task, stay with a fugitive in a safe house. Typically unreliable, Reynolds is soon on the run with the fugitive who may well be played by Denzel Washington. For an insight into what it might look like if Judi Dench were in the lead role have a look above and wonder why I have nothing better to do.

The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel
And now for a film which actually contains the goddess that is Judi Dench (along with every other British actor who can safely be called mature). If you like a gentle comedy filled with wrinkles then you’re in luck. Have yet to see a quote from my review used on any posters. Who wouldn’t see this film if they knew it “made me want to whisk Judi Dench off to India and retire in a dilapidated hotel”? Come on Fox Searchlight, sort out your marketing department.

Red Dog
A dog (the Red Dog in question) goes on a walkabout to find its owner and unites a small community in the process. It may sound a little twee but thanks to being an Australian film rather than American, it stands a chance of being funny and, if we let it, a little moving.

One for the Money
Katherine Heigl continues to fail to retire as she takes on the role of bounty hunter in her latest “comedy”. As punishment I have given her Judi Dench’s face, poor Dench.

Blood Car (limited release)
Filmed about five years ago and set “in the near future” this comedy horror, about a time in which human blood becomes the ultimate alternative fuel source, may well be happening RIGHT NOW!!! If you feel anaemic please check that your neighbour isn’t siphoning off your blood to make the school run.

Black Gold (limited release)
“Set in the 1930s Arab states at the dawn of the oil boom, the story centers on a young Arab prince torn between allegiance to his conservative father and modern, liberal father-in-law.” Sand and swords bore me too much to even try to be funny.

Laura (limited release)
The BFI continue their run of re-releasing classic films with a film noir from the 40s about a detective who falls for the woman whose murder he is investigating. Talk about dating anything with a pulse… or without.

Rampart (limited release)
Woody Harrelson is “the last of the renegade cops”, fighting for survival and being all gritty and stuff. Genuinely weird to think that he started off as Woody in Cheers.

Deviation (limited release)
Good God, it stars Danny Dyer. Move along.

Naachle London (limited release)
Thanks mostly to extreme racism I don’t tend to mention Bollywood releases, but this one is set in London so I’m going to mention it. Film mentioned, job done. Now for some humus.