Out Now – 30th March 2012

Wrath of the Titans
Those pesky titans are back and this time they’re filled with wrath. I have no idea what happened in Clash of the Titans nor do I remotely understand the plot of this sequel. We can only hope that Liam Neeson gets a line half as good as in the previous film. Now it’s time to have a debate in your office over how you pronounce “wrath”.

StreetDance 2
If there was ever a franchise I understood less than Titans it would be this one about street dancers. All I know is that people dance at each other in a competitive fashion. That and Liam Neeson is sadly absent from the cast.

Into The Abyss: A Tale Of Death, A Tale Of Life (limited release)
Werner Herzog’s latest is a chilling documentary about a triple murder, the victim’s family, the men convicted of the crime and those who must execute them. I caught this at last year’s London Film Festival and described it as thought-provoking and easily the best documentary of the festival.

Tiny Furniture (limited release)
Quirky comedy about a recent graduate forced to move back home while she sorts her life out. Quirky.

Bonsái (limited release)
“A young writer recounts an earlier romance in hopes of attracting his new love interest.” Let’s hope the woman he is wooing doesn’t mind him talking incessantly about his ex.

The Island President (limited release)
Documentary about President Mohamed Nasheed of the Maldives and his fight to keep the islands from disappearing under the sea. I guess moving isn’t an option?

Babycall (limited release)
Noomi Rapace (the original girl with the dragon tattoo) plays a beaten wife seeking refuge with her son who starts to pick up sounds of a child in trouble on her baby monitor (or babycall).

Corpo celeste (limited release)
“Thirteen year-old Marta has recently moved back to southern Italy with her mother and older sister and struggles to find her place, restlessly testing the boundaries of an unfamiliar city and the catechism of the Catholic church.”

The Emperor and the White Snake (limited release)
“Action director Ching Siu-Tung helms this fantasy film based on an old Chinese legend about an herbalist who falls in love with a thousand-year-old White Snake disguised as a woman. Jet Li stars as a sorcerer who discovers her true identity and battles to save the man’s soul.”

Breaking Wind (London only)
If Vampires Suck wasn’t enough Twilight satire for you here’s a second parody film to sink your teeth into. SINK YOUR TEETH INTO! LMFAO!!

Switch (London only)
IMDb helpfully has a synopsis translated into English from the French Wikipedia entry by Jamy_Kayleigh. Good old Jamy_Kayleigh. More exciting than this (imagine!) is that Eric Cantona co-stars.

This Is Not a Film (London West End only)
Smuggled out of Iran in a cake this documentary was made by Iranian director Jafar Panahi whilst under house arrest and having been banned from making films until 2030. The film follows a day in the life of Panahi as he films himself not making films.

Guess where in this post I became so exhausted by the number of films and gave up writing anything of interest.