Any film that involves a piranha swimming into a woman’s lady-parts (making an excellent ‘pop’ noise as it does so) and waits patiently for a number of days for the first chance it gets to bite a man’s hoo-hah off is a good film in my book*. Yes, the Piranha franchise is back with Piranha 3DD! Do you get it? They added the second ‘D’ because on top of the three dimensions the film is in, the producers are word-playing on the fact that there is a lot of screen time for boobs too! Those comedians.
With a completely plausible and serious plot, Piranha 3DD focuses on the tragic events of what happens when a North American town is plagued by prehistoric piranha (erupting from a dead, farting cow this time around) that have managed to navigate their way through man-made pipe systems into a stripper themed waterpark named … ‘Big Wet’. Oh my.
Seriously though, gratuitous reels of naked ladies aside, Piranha 3DD genuinely does manage to form a semi-decent plot, helped massively by a likeable cast led by Danielle Panabaker and Matt Bush (who, for the record, aren’t big-boobed and dripping wet). Sure, on the whole it might be the dumbest thing ever released [this month] but where else do we get to watch Christopher Lloyd champion “laughing diarrhoea baby” on Youtube, David Hasselhoff jiggle his own double D’s or enjoy a legless Marcellus Wallace cry like a baby in a baby pool? There is nowhere else for such absurdity! So just make do with this incredibly stupid but highly entertaining pornographic drama and enjoy it for what it is: an incredibly stupid but highly entertaining pornographic drama.
Additionally, as an advocate of 2D films I was a little disappointed that I couldn’t find ‘Piranha 2DD’ anywhere, but the 3D gets the job done well enough (it was filmed entirely in the format, unlike its predecessor) so I cannot really offer up any real complaints on that front.
Piranha 3DD is a ridiculous and heart-warming (you tell me Paul Sheer and Ving Rhames don’t have chemistry) waterslide of fun that will be keeping cinemagoers out of Stripper Waterparks for a long time. Funny, inane and with quotable dialogue to rival Anchorman, Piranha 3DD is too stupid to miss. Seeing The Avengers tonight? Get yourself to this instead, dummy!
*-If it’s in the trailer, it’s not a spoiler, you Negative Nancy.
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