Out Now – 22nd March 2013

Jack the Croods Slayer

You’ll have to excuse the lateness and lacklustre nature of this post. Red wine and vodka are to blame, and a triple bill of Mean Girls, Final Destination 5, and Scary Movie. Oof.

The Croods
“The world’s very first prehistoric family goes on a road trip to an uncharted and fantastical world.” I seriously hope they find other families in their journey or the implications with regard to populating the human race are pretty grim.

Identity Thief
Melissa McCarthy, playing the funny one, has stolen the identity of Jason Bateman, playing the straight man (as usual). He travels to confront her and hilarity ensues, the kind of hilarity that involves strong sex, sex references and strong language.

Jack the Giant Slayer
Jack and the Beanstalk gets the over-the-top fantasy adaptation treatment with Nicholas Hoult as the boy who swapped his cow for some magic beans. Only now the cow is a horse and the beans open a gateway between the world of the humans and the world of the giants; the two races having been at war.

Stolen
Nicholas Cage runs around looking for his daughter who has been locked in the boot of a taxi. He is apparently the world’s greatest thief so fingers crossed it all works out OK for him so he can get back to all that thieving.

Reality (limited release)
“Luciano is a charming fishmonger whose unexpected and sudden obsession with being a contestant on a reality show leads him down a rabbit hole of skewed perceptions and paranoia.”

Compliance (limited release)
“When a prank caller convinces a fast food restaurant manager to interrogate an innocent young employee, no-one is left unharmed.” As I said in my review this is a good idea stretched beyond its limits and is not one I’d recommend rushing out to see.

Post Tenebras Lux (limited release)
Mexican drama struggling to adjust to a move from the city to the country. As all good foreign films should it includes strong sex and nudity and the sort of scenes that may make you feel uncomfortable depending on the nature of your relationship with the person sitting next to you.

Neighbouring Sounds (limited release)
“A slice of ‘Braziliana’, a reflection on history, violence and noise.” Who doesn’t want a slice of Braziliana?

Reincarnated (limited release)
Looks to me like a documentary following Snoop Dogg’s transformation into Snoop Lion as he record his first reggae album.

Small Apartments (limited release)
“A man is surrounded by strange events and odd neighbors in this adaptation of Chris Millis’ novel.” Now imagine the man is Matt Lucas and his neighbours are Dolph Lundgren, Johnny Knoxville, James Caan, Billy Crystal, Juno Temple, and Rebel Wilson. Sounds quite tempting doesn’t it.

Now if you’ll excuse me I have an appointment with lying down to attend to.