Out Now – 12th April 2013

Scary Oblivion

Scary Movie 5
The Scary Movie franchise is one of declining returns. The original was genuinely clever and funny, the second… well the second had Tim Curry, and from there it just got worse and worse. And yet I keep on watching. I am weak.

Tom Cruise stars in one of the blandest looking Sci-Fis of recent years. In a time when Earth has been abandoned it turns out that Earth has not been abandoned. And Morgan Freeman is there. Presumably because even in a time when the Earth has been abandoned Morgan Freeman insists on a cameo.

The Place Beyond the Pines
Remember how in Drive Ryan Gosling played a stunt driver who supplemented his income with bank robberies and the like? Well in this film Gosling plays a stunt biker who supplements his income with bank robberies. Talk about a niche.

The Gatekeepers (limited release)
“A documentary featuring interviews with all surviving former heads of Shin Bet, the Israeli security agency whose activities and membership are closely held state secrets.”

First Position (limited release)
Documentary about six ballet dancers preparing for one of the most prestigious ballet competitions in the world. They’re going to live forever. They’re going to learn how to fly. High.

BAFTA Shorts (limited release)
A collection of seven BAFTA nominated short films compiled and released in (some) cinemas. Short films are great and rarely get this wide an exposure. Go and see and brag to your friends about how cultured you are.

Flying Blind (limited release)
British drama about a woman who has an affair with a man 20 years her junior who is being investigated by MI5. Because terrorists fall in love too.

Simon Killer (limited release)
“A recent college graduate flees to Paris after a break-up, where his involvement with a prostitute begins to reveal a potentially dark recent past.” I would argue that his dark recent past may well be the fact that he got involved with a prostitute.

Theorem (limited re-release)
BFI re-release of the late 60s drama about an Italian nuclear family who are seduced one by one by a mysterious stranger. Vintage sexy European cinema!

Çanakkale Yolun Sonu (limited release)
Let’s see how Google translate deals with a Turkish synopsis: “April 25, 1915 … Gate resistance of the Dardanelles Ottoman Empire, and the prices could not be through the ship invaders, have begun a desperate maneuver to land on the beaches of Gallipoli. Put saw perhaps the greatest resistance of the occupation forces, defeated the army under the name referred to that moment; Anzac Cove.” Looks like Google has been drinking.