Now You See Me
You know what I see? I see a big intrusive ad at the top of IMDb. Therefore by Mild Concern rules I cannot summarise the film here. Hey, I don’t make the rules! (I do, I am king!)
Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson reunite to star in a comedy that seems to be mostly trying to promote Google. The pair start at Google as interns as they compete with young geeks for permanent employment. Google were so heavily involved in the film’s production they helped design sets and contributed dialogue so don’t be alarmed if your Android phone starts suggesting local screenings to you.
The Bling Ring (limited release)
Gifted as Sofia Coppola is at directing, and fascinating as this tale of entitlement and celebrity obsession may be, all the internet seems to care about is a brief moment in the trailer when Emma Watson sticks her tongue out while dancing. Is the idea of Hermione being even remotely sexual really that fascinating? I think we all know what my answer to that question would be. Hover your mouse over the image above and test yourself. Sexy dancing aside I am very excited for this film.
A Field in England (limited cinema release/wide everywhere else release)
Ben Wheatley is the resident king of violent films with fantastic dialogue. This latest film is released on all formats at once today so you can either go to the cinema or tune in to Film4 and watch from the comfort of your own home. At 10:45pm I know I plan on tuning in.
Pussy Riot: A Punk Prayer (limited release)
If you want to watch an important documentary about freedom of speech and say the word “pussy” to a member of cinema staff without being ejected from the building then you are in luck.
Paris-Manhattan (limited release)
French romantic comedy about a Woody Allen-obsessed pharmacist which includes a cameo from Woody Allen himself. Expect me to cover this in my Woody Allen retrospective in the late 2080s.
The Enigma of Kaspar Hauser (limited re-release)
The BFI re-releases Werner Herzog’s 1974 drama about the true story of a man who appeared in Nuremberg in 1828 unable to speak or walk.
Out in the Dark (limited release)
Romantic drama revolving around “two men on opposite sites of the Mid-East conflict: Palestinian student Nimer and Roy, an Israeli lawyer”. It’s like a gay Arabic Romeo and Juliet.
The Wall (limited release)
German(?) drama in which a woman and her dog are cut off from civilization by a large invisible wall. Unfortunately this means that she won’t be able to watch the new TV series Under the Dome.
Tropicália (limited release)
Are you aware of the Brazilian artistic movement known as tropicália? You are? Then you don’t need to watch this documentary exploring the Brazilian artistic movement known as tropicália. I have to admit I am completely ignorant when it comes to the Brazilian artistic movement known as tropicália.
Paradise: Faith (limited release)
The second in the Paradise trilogy, that is apparently chugging along whether we like it or not, focuses on… faith. This ain’t rocket science people.
Bula Quo! (limited release)
Status Quo’s Francis Rossi and Rick Parfitt star as themselves in a comedy action adventure set in Fiji. Imagine, in forty years we might be watching Arctic Monkeys starring in a Guatemalan caper.
Chasing Mavericks (limited release)
A drama about surfing starring Gerard Butler. Try not to get too excited.
Behind the scenes note: Originally I photoshopped colourful balaclavas onto the cast of The Bling Ring for this post but decided not to use it as it looked like it had been made by a psychopath with violent intentions and poor image editing skills. I’ll let you be the judge of that.