Out Now – 16th August 2013

Kick Planes 2

Kick-Ass 2
I remember when I first saw Kick-Ass (with my less than impressed sister) and thought it was amazing. It even gave me “shivers down my spine” apparently. What a nerd. I remember the second time I saw Kick Ass and suddenly remembered all the bits I didn’t like so much; the masturbation heavy intro, Aaron Johnson’s voice, and other things I fail to remember now. Anyway… it’s sequel time! Which would be more exciting if the reviews weren’t so mediocre and I hadn’t seen Kick-Ass that second disappointing time. Still, I bet Chloe Moretz is her usual amazing self.

If you asked me what Pixar’s weakest original film was I would reply, “Cars… please get out of my house”. If you asked me what Pixar’s worst film of all time was I would reply, “Cars 2. The police are on their way.” Planes is a spin-off from Cars that was originally going to go straight to DVD and was made by Disney Studios rather than Disney Pixar. SOUNDS LIKE A WINNER!!!*

2 Guns
Good grief. It is one of those weeks. The constantly perplexed Mark Wahlberg stars alongside the constantly sassy(!?) Denzel Washington as two undercover agents on the run after they both infiltrate a drug ring without knowing the other was a secret agent. The title is a bit baffling. In the poster both Denzel and Wahlberg are holding guns so by this logic the drug cartel have no guns? Piece of cake!

When the Dragon Swallowed the Sun (limited release)
A documentary about the Chinese invasion of Tibet is no place for jokes from someone with no real idea of what is happening over there.

The Big City (limited release)
The BFI are re-releasing this 1963 Indian drama about a housewife getting her first job as a saleswoman. Let’s face it if the BFI are involved it must be worth a watch. I love the BFI. The BFI are great. I am in no way currently waiting for them to give me press accreditation for the London Film Festival.

Call Girl (limited release)
That caught your attention didn’t it? And will possibly bring us some colourful Google hits too. This Swedish drama explores the real life 70s scandal in which teenage girls were recruited as prostitutes for the upper echelons of society. Contains strong sex but in an artistically justified way.

Kuma (limited release)
Come on Peccadillo Pictures, pull your fingers out. Is it really that hard to submit a synopsis to IMDb? I’ve had to go all the way to your official website and have become tired and cranky and don’t feel like explaining to our readers that your film is a Turkish drama about a 19-year-old who is married off to be the second wife of the father of the man she thought she was marrying.

Bachelorette (limited release)
A comedy about a group of women who are bridesmaids. Like in the film Bridesmaids. Starring Rebel Wilson (from the film Bridesmaids), Kirsten Dunst (last seen literally wandering through The Bling Ring), Lizzy Caplan (not quite Zooey Deschanel), and Isla Fisher (from Home and Away).

Aftershock (limited release)
An earthquake in Chile leaves a group of people, including Eli Roth, trapped underground. As they fight to get to the surface all manner of things go wrong in an 18 certificate fashion.

*I haven’t had much sleep and have just had some Red Bull. Go figure.