mildconcern.com

The Raid
A SWAT team faces off against a mobster’s army of thugs in a tower block. This film is getting a huge amount of buzz and looks to be filled wall to wall with ridiculous action of the highest quality. Probably best to avoid if you are of a delicate disposition. Take your inhaler.

2 Days in New York
In this sequel to 2 Days in Paris the culture clash has moved to New York and Adam Goldberg has been swapped for Chris Rock. If there’s anyone who thrives in romantic comedy dramas set over a specific short time frame it is Julie Delphy.

The Source (limited release)
Women in a small village go on sex strike to encourage their men to fetch water from a distant well. The men react badly rather than doing the sensible thing and simply moving closer to the well and/or withholding their DIY skills to further enforce gender stereotypes.

Even the Rain (limited release)
Set around the production of a film about Christopher Columbus as it is disrupted by protests surrounding the privatisation of the local water supply. Not exactly the most enticing of plots and there’s not even any sex or violence, just some strong language.

The Life and Death of Colonel Blimp (limited release)
Re-release of 1940s drama about, well… the life and death of Colonel Blimp.

If I Want to Whistle, I Whistle (limited release)
A teenager in prison finds love on the inside two weeks before his release. I suggest he shivs a guard to get his stay extended. Anything for love!

She Monkeys (limited release)
Two teenage girls with a fondness for equestrian vaulting share a crush and a relationship filled with physical and psychological challenges.

The Dictator
That scoundrel Sacha Baron Cohen is back with his fourth feature, the first to not feature a character from Da Ali G Show. This time Baron Cohen is playing Admiral General Aladeen, dictator of a fictional country called the Republic of Wadiya, who is summoned by the UN to discuss his nuclear program. Looking decidedly more scripted than his more recent work The Dictator appears on the surface to be easily the second best film Baron Cohen has made. Put that on your poster!

Matthew Bourne’s Swan Lake (limited release)
I’m told that Matthew Bourne’s re-interpretation of Swan Lake is a modern dance classic. I’m also told that dance is one of the few times that 3D really works. If “they” are to be believed then this 3D cinematic recording of the ballet is a must see, not least because you will finally understand Black Swan. I’m still scared of ballet, someone may have to hold my hand.

The Man with the Jazz Guitar (limited release)
“The delightful portrait of the fascinating 50s jazz musician and popular radio broadcaster, Ken Sykora, told through his vast archive of sound recordings and memorabilia.” As usual with these films I have no idea who Ken Sykora is.

Dark Shadows
A vampire rises from the ruins of a McDonald’s in the early 70s and moves back into his former home with a dysfunctional group of descendants. Shot in the UK with a soap opera sensibility, don’t be too surprised if William Roach makes a cameo.

Jeff, Who Lives at Home
A bit of mainstream mumblecore about a pair of brothers failing at life. Jeff, who lives at home, spends the days with his brother Pat as they follow Pat’s (potentially) adulterous wife.

How I Spent My Summer Vacation
One 9-year-old’s essay about their summer vacation will apparently involve helping Mel Gibson to survive in a Mexican prison. Certainly beats “I went camping in Wales for a week”. I don’t think I’ve ever helped Mel Gibson to survive anything, shame on me.

All in Good Time
British comedy about a newly wed couple who struggle to find the privacy they need to consummate their marriage. Expect the climax of the film to be the young couple checking into a Premier Inn with a wink and a smile.

Piranha 3DD
Get excited everyone, the piranhas are back! If this is anything like its predecessor then we are guaranteed one hell of a fun film where the 3D and the plot don’t take themselves too seriously. Expect boobs, blood, and naughty words.

Café de Flore (limited release)
French Canadian film telling two seemingly unconnected love stories. Described as a “mystical and fantastical odyssey on love” this is possibly a better date movie than Piranha 3DD, depending on who you’re dating.

Mitsuko Delivers (limited release)
A pregnant woman moves back to the working-class alley where she grew up in Tokyo and sorts everyone else’s lives out.

Charlie Casanova (limited release)
After killing a working girl in a hit and run, as you do, Charlie resigns himself from making decision in his life letting a pack of playing cards decide his fate instead. Ace of Spades, tequila shots. Queen of Hearts, kill a hooker.

Beloved (limited release)
Romantic musical drama starring Catherine Deneuve which spans three decades and follows a mother and daughter’s misadventures in love. Calling it a French Mamma Mia would be a stupid thing to do.

Faust (limited release)
Man sells his soul to the devil in exchange for knowledge, things end badly.

Related posts:

Silent House
Indie cinema’s latest wunderkind Elizabeth Olsen stars in this haunted house horror. The story is told in real time and with no visible cuts, the action unfold in, what looks like, a single camera take. I am guaranteed to watch this from behind my hands. I can’t wait.

Safe
Jason Statham has outdone himself. This time he is playing an ex-cage fighter protecting a young girl who is being hunted by the Russian mafia, Triads and corrupt members of the NYPD. Good grief Statham, what next? Jason Statham as a retired Ninja Geisha on the run from Aslan the lion, the reincarnation of Hitler, and his own clone?

Angel & Tony (limited release)
A Frenchman teaches a beautiful young woman how to fish. And presumably she eats for a lifetime.

Hara-Kiri: Death of a Samurai (limited release)
“A tale of revenge, honor and disgrace” involving at least one Samurai. SPOILER ALERT: He dies.

Beauty and the Beast 3D (limited release)
Tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme, Beauty and the Beast in 3D. Ask me nicely and I’ll sing you this new version of the classic Disney tune. Just call me Mrs. Potts.

Juan of the Dead (limited release)
Imagine Shaun of the Dead with zombie Cubans instead of a naked Peter Serafinowicz. Can you get a Cornetto in Cuba?

Goodbye First Love (limited release)
A foreign romantic drama for all you love birds out there. I remember my first love, we were four and her dad drove a milk float. Where are you now Jennifer?

Two Years at Sea (limited release)
Documentary about Jake, a man who lives alone in the middle of the forest and avoids most human contact. Field trip anyone?

Le Quai des Brumes (limited release)
French re-release from the late 1930s in which “a military deserter finds love and trouble (and a small dog) in a smoky French port city”. I wonder whether the small dog was the love or the trouble?

Dinotasia (limited release)
DINOSAUR DOCUMENTARY!!!

Monsieur Lazhar (limited release)
Comedy drama about suicide and loss from the Frenchy end of Canada. A teacher commits suicide and their replacement must help the students deal with their grief. Sounds laugh a minute.

Piggy (limited release)
Violent British feature about grief, revenge, plot twists, and “over 90 uses of strong language and seven uses of very strong language, six of which are spoken and one of which occurs in the form of graffiti on a wall.”

Clone (London West End only)
I saw Clone back when it was called Womb in 2010 and it was beautiful if more than a little bizarre. Eva Green plays a woman who impregnates herself with the clone of her dead lover, Matt Smith, after he dies. Things do not go smoothly.

Related posts: