mildconcern.com

Any film that involves a piranha swimming into a woman’s lady-parts (making an excellent ‘pop’ noise as it does so) and waits patiently for a number of days for the first chance it gets to bite a man’s hoo-hah off is a good film in my book*. Yes, the Piranha franchise is back with Piranha 3DD! Do you get it? They added the second ‘D’ because on top of the three dimensions the film is in, the producers are word-playing on the fact that there is a lot of screen time for boobs too! Those comedians.

With a completely plausible and serious plot, Piranha 3DD focuses on the tragic events of what happens when a North American town is plagued by prehistoric piranha (erupting from a dead, farting cow this time around) that have managed to navigate their way through man-made pipe systems into a stripper themed waterpark named … ‘Big Wet’. Oh my.

Seriously though, gratuitous reels of naked ladies aside, Piranha 3DD genuinely does manage to form a semi-decent plot, helped massively by a likeable cast led by Danielle Panabaker and Matt Bush (who, for the record, aren’t big-boobed and dripping wet). Sure, on the whole it might be the dumbest thing ever released [this month] but where else do we get to watch Christopher Lloyd champion “laughing diarrhoea baby” on Youtube, David Hasselhoff jiggle his own double D’s or enjoy a legless Marcellus Wallace cry like a baby in a baby pool? There is nowhere else for such absurdity! So just make do with this incredibly stupid but highly entertaining pornographic drama and enjoy it for what it is: an incredibly stupid but highly entertaining pornographic drama.

Additionally, as an advocate of 2D films I was a little disappointed that I couldn’t find ‘Piranha 2DD’ anywhere, but the 3D gets the job done well enough (it was filmed entirely in the format, unlike its predecessor) so I cannot really offer up any real complaints on that front.

Piranha 3DD is a ridiculous and heart-warming (you tell me Paul Sheer and Ving Rhames don’t have chemistry) waterslide of fun that will be keeping cinemagoers out of Stripper Waterparks for a long time. Funny, inane and with quotable dialogue to rival Anchorman, Piranha 3DD is too stupid to miss. Seeing The Avengers tonight? Get yourself to this instead, dummy!

*-If it’s in the trailer, it’s not a spoiler, you Negative Nancy.

For ‘Frolicsome film and pizza with friends’ Times

For ‘Film-making as an Art’

Related posts:

Growing up Kevin Clash only wanted one thing; to be a puppeteer like Jim Henson from Sesame Street. After years spent making his own puppets and decades working his way through the world of puppetry Clash is living his dream. Kevin Clash is Elmo.

Told through interviews with Clash, his family and colleagues, bizarrely detailed archive footage and new footage of Clash at work on Sesame Street, making live appearances and throwing one hell of a Sweet Sixteen for his daughter, Being Elmo is a documentary lacking in sensationalism and shock revelations. Being Elmo tells a simple story of a man following his dreams and tells it well.

The resulting film is possibly one of the most heart-warming documentaries I have ever seen, I dare you not to cry at least once. Kevin Clash is a humble man who has succeeded through sheer talent and drive, putting his career ahead of everything else in his life. In Elmo he created a character who simply wants to love and you can see that reflected in the children Clash insists on meeting as Elmo personally, not letting a second puppeteer share the responsibility.

Being Elmo isn’t perfect. Throughout there are hints that not everything was perfect in Clash’s life as he references a divorce and we briefly hear how he regrets spending so much time with other people’s children when he has his own daughter at home. This is definitely the glossy Muppet version of Kevin Clash with any imperfection sewn up with invisible seams.

Being Elmo is all about following your dreams no matter what. What could be wrong with that?

Related posts:

Sundance has come to London! We were excited when we heard the news, even though it felt a long way off at the time. Yet over a year later, the spiritual home of American indie cinema really has ventured out of Utah for four days in our capital, albeit in the Millennium Dome O2. This government white elephant turned massive marketing exercise is not a venue that fosters a feeling of independent filmaking and it was quickly evident that Sundance has heard this criticism a lot: during his introduction to Safety Not Guaranteed, festival director John Cooper declared that a lot of people had asked why the O2? He gestured at the gigantic (and Sky sponsored) screen behind him. “Look at this screen! Films look amazing on it and that makes filmmakers happy.” Which is all very well if you’re in the perfect seat but scant comfort when you’re craning up from the fourth row. Oh well, moving on, what about the film?

Before the screening, director Colin Trevorrow claimed that Safety Not Guaranteed is a film that embodies the spirit of American indie filmmaking. Describing the fight to get movie financing as an example of the American can-do attitude in the face of seemingly impossible circumstances, that same attitude is shown by one the story’s main characters. Which makes it a real Sundance film.

Wanted: Someone to go back in time with me. This is not a joke. You’ll get paid after we get back. Must bring your own weapons. Safety not guaranteed. I have only done this once before.

Darius (Aubrey Plaza) is your disaffected, wise-cracking cynic who is making no money interning at a magazine. When the above ad appears in the classifieds, one of the journalists, Jeff (Jake M. Johnson) – cheekily lovable douche – pitches it as a potential story and takes Darius and another intern, Arnau (Karan Soni) – socially-inadequate Asian nerd – to check it out. On arriving in the Washington coastal town that is their destination, Jeff sets off to track down an ex from when he was 18 and leaves the interns to do all the legwork. Through this they find Kenneth (Mark Duplass), who apparently really is convinced he can travel back in time, and it’s up to Darius to get past his guard and dig out the real story. In a nice touch, during the post-film Q&A Trevorrow revealed that the original writer of the real classified ad appeared in a cameo role.

Apart from Kenneth, who stands apart as a fascinating soul, you’ve seen these characters often, although with the slight twist that almost everyone acts as if they’re teenagers stuck in adult bodies. Which at one point I thought was going to be an actual plot twist in the naively sweet Kenneth’s case, so fixed is he on past slights and childhood traumas. But no. Regret has taken over all the characters to such an extent that their personalities all seem cemented in the past in some way. This is particularly evident in selfishly hedonistic Jeff, who appears determined to force Arnau into making the same mistakes he did.

While each character’s arc is disappointingly predictable, so are the film’s basic values – you know the ones:

• No matter how smart you might be, to get the girl, you absolutely must play a musical instrument as well
• To have a fulfilling life, get over your inhibitions and just get laid, it pretty much doesn’t matter who with
• The lie that is the foundation for the situation you are in will be found out but will ultimately be forgiven if you feel bad enough about it
• If you’re responsible enough to actually think about the consequences of your actions, you are the enemy of free-spirit and should be rejected

The premise is a fun and genuinely intriguing one and there are real laughs and touching moments but this low-budget HeKniSciFi brings few surprises. It’s a gentle narrative, smoothly put together so it was a surprise that the ending, with the most ineffectual special agents I have ever seen on screen, was suddenly too clunky to bring any actual tension to the conclusion.

The whole piece is well-acted and Aubrey Plaza carries the film comfortably but charming as it can be, Safety Not Guaranteed is indie comedy drama by-the-numbers.

Related posts:

The Mild Concern editors, Tim and Kat take to foreign cinema regularly. The closest I usually get to foreign films is when a non-American/Englishman directs a mainstream release. That said, any time a new Audrey Tautou film is released I’ll be there in the blink of an eye.

Sadly Tautou’s latest starring-film, Delicacy (or La Délicatesse if you will) has been hit with numerous reviews of mediocrity, it simply being shamed as a “been there, done that” flick. Sure, by French film standards it probably is nothing new but for those who don’t experience much European cinema it is an absolute delight – even if I did spend half of the film trying to stop myself from crying.

Based on the novel of the same name (written by the David half of the brother-directors of the film, Stéphane and David Foenkinos), Delicacy observes relationships idyllic and not so conventional when career-girl Nathalie’s (Tautou) world is destroyed by the untimely death of her husband. Three years later and still grieving she impulsively kisses workmate Markus (François Damiens) who is ugly even by European cinema’s standards. So begins the mostly funny, sometimes awkward, but always touching pseudo beauty-and-the-beast tale.

Packed with so much cheese that I’m sure Garry Marshall (Dir. Valentine’s Day, New Years Eve) had a heart attack of envy, Delicacy manages to actually steer away from all of the superficiality of the traditional (Hollywood-like) romantic comedy; its directors and acting ensemble huffing and puffing with genuine heart at making a film with as little fluff as possible. Of course, when Pez dispensers are love-gushing gifts and all-you-can-eat Chinese buffets are ironic romantic evenings the average cinemagoer probably wants to throw up, but Delicacy’s delicately (hur hur) handled sentimentality never feels artificial enough for us to stop believing in the story.

It’s a great effort from all involved, and the chemistry that the film’s plot demands of its cast is sufficient enough to get the point across that Audrey Tautou should never play a sad character because it is too depressing for me anyone to handle. There are plentiful hilarious moments and enough drama that expands on the formulaic rom-com template evident that makes it more than worth the price of a ticket. Just pick up a box of tissues on the way to the cinema.

Related posts:

I have a film theory degree so I should probably be able to form actual words about that, but, holy shit.

The Cabin on the Woods is released on Friday 13th April 2012

Special guest review courtesy of Rach from nph-fan.com

Related posts: