Infrequently Asked Questions 2012

Shame Full Frontal

People of the internet find Mild Concern through a wide variety of search terms and one of the more curious ways I spend my time is keeping an eye on what people Google to end up on this humble blog. I do feel sorry for a large number of Googlers when I can see that they aren’t going to find what they searched for here.

By far the most popular unsuccessful search the film fans of the world embarked on was trying to find some images of the nudity in Shame. They wanted to see Michael Fassbender and, to a lesser extent, Carey Mulligan in the all-together and were surely disappointed to find not a single bit of genitalia on display. I apologise to you, the internet, and to make it up to you I will now answer a selection of questions people entered into Google in 2012 which led them erroneously to Mild Concern. Now if they do their search again their questions will be answered.

All of these questions are genuine, and tell you a lot about the world today…

Is The Skin I Live In in English? No, it is in Spanish and is not for the squeamish.

How old is Yoda’s actor now? Frank Oz is 68.

Is that a wig? No, my hair is all natural.

Is there nudity in 388 Arletta Avenue? No. It does contain “one scene of strong gore and horror”.

How many times is “Harry Potter” said in the movies? I counted 107 but then I did fall asleep a lot.

Is Die Hard a survival movie? I guess so… although I’d say a survival movie would be someone battling against nature or the supernatural not Alan Rickman with a dodgy accent.

Is Cool Runnings a Christmas film? It is in my family.

Why is Rupert Giles called Ripper? Giles gained the nickname Ripper in his younger days when dabbling in the dark arts with five friends. Presumably it is an allusion to Jack the Ripper.

When is Fast Girls out on DVD? It’s out! Sorry we didn’t get to this question sooner.

Where was We Built a Zoo filmed? We Bought a Zoo was filmed in California.

Heroes Season 3 what is with Claire’s hair? Hayden Panettiere cut her hair and so had to wear a terrible, terrible wig.

What is the twist in Cabin in the Woods? There isn’t one.

What episodes of Misfits have sex in them? A lot of them so I wouldn’t watch if you’re too prudish nor skip any episode for fear of a sex deficit.

What football team does Nicholas Hoult support? I don’t know. I’m really sorry.

Who is on the front of After Porn Ends? Mary Carey

Why do people like Doctor Who? It is scary, funny, and has a lot of heart. Also, Karen Gillan is hot.

Is the Life of Pi film made not in non 3D? It was made in 3D so… yes? 3D is not in non 3D.

Why don’t people like Dr Who? They find it childish, silly, and irritating? Stephen knows.

Does After Porn Ends have nudity? Yes. Not one for the family.

How big is Kevin Smith’s fan base approximately? He has over 2 million Twitter followers and one fan who thinks I am a parasite.

How violent is Sightseers? Violent in short bursts with plenty of blood and caved-in skulls. All the deaths are swift though, this is no Hostel.

What happened to Cameron Crowe? He returned! With We Bought a Zoo and Pearl Jam Twenty. I saw neither.

How accurate is Lawless movie? It doesn’t matter, the film is boring as hell.

Is Ethan Hunt married in Ghost Protocol? Yes, to Julia Meade played by Michelle Monaghan.

Is Michael Cera mean? He seems lovely.

Is NOW TV worth it? Certainly not. Though they provide lots of lovely cocktails.

What is the guy’s name from Footloose that plays on Third Rock from the Sun? John Lithgow

Where can I see the complete pilot episode of BBC Lizzie and Sarah? Nowhere legal I’m afraid. Ask your most internet savvy friend and see if they can help.

Is there a disorder consisting of rape, dismembering, necrophilia, and cannibalism? I don’t think that is a disorder. That is you doing unthinkable sexual things to someone before and after killing them and then eating the remains. GET HELP!

How violent is the film I, Anna? “In one scene of violence a man and woman fight before a heavy ornament is used to strike a blow to the head. In another scene the victim of a violent death is found lying on a heavily bloodstained carpet with a bloodied face.”

What is pyjamas party? Attractive young women spend the night together gossiping, playing games, and fighting with pillows in slow motion and skimpy pyjamas. That or you stay up all night watching films at the Prince Charles cinema.

What’s the film about couple gets handcuffed together at a music festival? You Instead

I hope that clears things up. (If you want to see Fassbender’s penis Google will show it to you. The thing terrifies me.)

Guess Who’s* Back This Month…

Cancel your plans for all foreseeable Saturday nights; the Doctor is on his way back to us nerds.

I’m no Dalek fan so the image above doesn’t get me tingling nearly as much as the new trailer below:

*Half an hour later and I notice the fabulous pun I made. Excuse me while I pat myself on the back.

Doctor Who Series 6 DVD Review

There was a time when the idea of owning even a single episode of Doctor Who on DVD would have been laughable. For me the series was a bit of fun but nothing worth dwelling on, certainly not worth revisiting or spending money to own. This all changed the day Steven Moffat took over the reins and brought in Matt Smith as The Doctor. Suddenly the series had an extra level of quality and complexity to it. Finally I understood what people had been going on about and finally I had found my Doctor.

While series 5 was the best the show had ever been with a finale that made every episode worth a re-watch as new information came to light, series 6 was slightly less awe-inspiring but remains a funny, scary and downright brilliant piece of TV.

The box set starts off on a strong footing with last year’s Christmas special A Christmas Carol which will be hard to beat this year and which I raved about last December. The rest of the series never quite matched the joy of this special and covers The Doctor’s potential demise, the battle against The Silence, one mysterious pregnancy and a classic sci-fi plot twist involving the identity of River Song.

Without a doubt this is the best Doctor Who cast and crew there has ever been. Steven Moffat is the best writer, Matt Smith is the best Doctor, Karen Gillan is the best companion and Arthur Darvill is the best husband of a companion. I love them all to pieces.

The DVDs certainly don’t skimp when it comes to the extras. Some episodes come with either short teaser prequels or commentaries but these are not what get me excited. Exclusive (possibly) to the DVD are five extra Night And The Doctor scenes which show what goes on in the TARDIS in between episodes. It was lovely to see Amy and The Doctor share a quiet moment and The Doctor struggle to juggle three different versions of River Song as they each turn up unannounced. These are complemented by the Comic Relief sketches in which the TARDIS lands within itself, caused by a short skirt and a glass floor and resulting in Amy flirting with herself.

The only place these DVDs let themselves down is with the inclusion of Doctor Who Confidential. Confidential is the complimentary TV series looking in-depth at the filming of each episode, a series I love and which was tragically cancelled at the end of this series. What the DVD does wrong is to cut these down to 10 minutes from their original 40, so much footage has been left out. Some of this footage is included in four Monster Files but it isn’t really a decent substitute.

If you are stuck for ideas for the nerd in your life, Doctor Who would be a great gift and is on sale now on DVD and Blu-ray. Doctor Who no longer needs to be a guilty pleasure.

Doctor Who Series 6 DVD provided by BBCShop.com

Doctor Who Movie Will Fit BBC Canon

In brief, following up on previous posts, news; Stephen Moffat posted an interesting tweet this morning:

[blackbirdpie url=”http://twitter.com/steven_moffat/status/142509085982601216″]

This certainly helps to lessen some of our concerns about the Doctor Who movie David Yates revealed he was working on last month. Moffat went on to say that Yates was “speaking off the cuff, on a red carpet.”

So in a few years there will probably be a Doctor Who film directed by David Yates, it will be made by the BBC and will star whoever is the singular official actor playing Doctor Who at the time.

Harry Potter director to take on Doctor Who

Doctor Who

So, David Yates is to direct a Doctor Who film, huh? How do we feel about that?

On the plus side, he was the man at the helm of the good films of the UK’s other giant franchise. He’s no stranger to entering a world that’s already well-established and populated with rabid fans.

However, this is Doctor Who, a series that’s almost 50 years old and has built a massive mythology. So massive, it seems weak to describe it as just a series. Harry Potter‘s canon was made up of seven novels; Doctor Who‘s spans 783 episodes of television and several spin-off shows, let alone all the radio plays and books. With the continuing debate about whether TV these days is actually better than film, is it perhaps a backwards step to take The Doctor into an enclosed two hour format?

Yates has said, “It needs quite a radical transformation to take it into the bigger arena.” This is definitely true. Beyond an enduring affection for Tom Baker’s scarves, we at Mild Concern had little familiarity with Doctor Who before 2005 but even with only six years of watching under our belts, trying to explain the intricacies of the relationship between River Song and The Doctor to a total newcomer is at least two pints in the pub material.

This leads to the question of whether David Yates and Jane Tranter, (she with the impressive title of executive vice-president of programming and production of BBC Worldwide), are looking at a total reboot. Kick out the existing 11 incarnations of The Doctor and start all over again? An origins story, going back to The Doctor’s start in Gallifrey? Maybe that’s a good thing. It wasn’t until four years after the relaunch, when Steven Moffat took over from Russell T. Davies, that we felt that the programme really fulfilled its potential and part of the reason why Doctor Who has endured has been down to the opportunity to remake itself on a regular basis embedded into its format. A clean slate might help avoid the dreaded flop that is almost any TV series: The Movie.

It would be safe to say the jury’s out at Mild Concern on this one. But for The Face of Boe’s sake, can we please put a ban on Daleks and Cybermen? No matter how much kids in the seventies were forced to hide behind sofas whenever those clunking bits of plasticky metal appeared, neither is the faintest bit scary any more. We’re too busy trying to stare down stone statues.