Infrequently Asked Questions 2013

Michael Fassbender Pianist

Following the success of last year’s Infrequently Asked Questions I have decided to repeat the exercise in the hopes of satisfying lost Googlers. The concept is simple, I trawl through all the search terms from 2013 that lead to this site and answer any questions people had that they would not have found the answer to on Mild Concern. The only questions I will ignore are people looking for various actors in a state of undress; there is a limit to what I will do for hits.

As with last year the most popular search query was people searching for nude pictures of Michael Fassbender, pictures that sound very similar to how you might describe the above picture… For the full stats on that particular search term see the pie chart at the end of this post.

Did the actors play their instruments in A Late Quartet? The cast studied their instruments to at least look like they were playing them but no, it is not their playing that you hear in the film.

Anyone know the sunglasses Giovanni Ribisi wore in Gangster Squad? Not entirely sure but he is the face of Barton Perreira eyewear. Apparently.

Are there snakes in The Hunger Games? Look carefully in the credits and you’ll find Jonwilder Lee Bartlett credited as “snake wrangler”. But can I remember any snakes? No.

Does After Porn Ends show nudity? Yes. You all asked this last year. IT IS A FILM ABOUT PORN STARS!!!

Does Claire wear a wig in Lost? Not at first but in flashbacks she certainly does and from memory she wears one on the island in later years. Sometimes an actress cuts her hair. Things happen.

How much swearing is in Philomena? Let’s ask the BBFC: “There are two uses of strong language (‘f**k’). Milder language includes the terms ‘bloody’, ‘crap’; ‘fecking’, ‘shit’, ‘shite’ and ‘tits’.”

How much of Philomena is based on fact? Most of it. Philomena is a real woman who was forced to give up her son and did not mention it for fifty years. She was also helped by Martin Sixsmith and they did indeed discover the thing that they discovered in the film. (No spoilers here.) The only thing that was fabricated was that in real life Philomena did not make the trip to America with Martin but followed his progress through phone calls.

Do you need to see Avengers Assemble before seeing Thor: The Dark World? Not really no. So long as you know that Thor is from another world, has an evil brother, and pines for Natalie Portman who is living on Earth then you’re all set.

Natalie Portman Thor wellies? Not so much a question but an oddly frequent request. Here you go perverts:

Portman Wellies

Do you like Doctor Who? Yes thanks, as does Kat, but we didn’t care much for the latest Christmas special. Stephen loathes it though if you’d prefer a balanced view.

Why do people like Doctor Who so much? It is scary, funny, and has a lot of heart. Also, Jenna Coleman is hot.

I don’t get Doctor Who He’s a centuries old alien who travels through time in a spaceship the shape of a police telephone box. The box is massive on the inside and he only has a limited number of lives which was recently reset due to receiving new regeneration energy via a rift in space from his home plant. He likes to travel with an assistant who is normally young, female, attractive and human. What’s not to get?

What is premise of How I Met Your Mother? I’ll take this slow for you. A man. Is telling his kids. How he met their mother. Admittedly he takes his sweet time but it’s not that hard to understand. Maybe they confused you by writing the title in the second person?

Is Lily in How I Met Your Mother bisexual? From the HIMYM wiki: “Lily could be bisexual, this could be proven as she said in one episode that she wants to have a lesbian experience, and that she told Robin she had a great ass. She also admitted to having some romantic dreams about Robin. It stated that whenever she drink martinis she wants to make out with Robin and she has dreams about her when she’s pregnant.”

What are Tim Burton’s Batman movies? Batman and Batman Returns. Now let me introduce you to IMDb, it will save us both some time.

Was The Strangers movie connected to The Cabin in the Woods? Not any more than every other horror film ever made. In many ways The Cabin in the Woods provides an alternative way to watch The Strangers in a non-canon way and those masks are awfully similar…

The Cabin in the Woods The Strangers

What team does Nicholas Hoult support? You asked this last year and I still don’t know. I have tweeted him to ask so we’ll just have to wait and see.

Where does Nicholas Hoult stay at in California? How would I know and why do you care? Stop trying to stalk Nicholas Hoult and get yourself a nice boyfriend instead.

What’s new pussycat? Not much thanks.

What’s the film called that was released on boxing day in 2012? How specific! Grabbers, Jack Reacher, Midnight’s Children, Parental Guidance, Safety Not Guaranteed, and Zaytoun.

What has happened to Cameron Crowe? Since you asked last year he has written and directed a film starring Emma Stone, Bradley Cooper, and Rachel McAdams. I’m hoping for another Almost Famous and not another We Bought a Zoo.

What certificate is Pulp Fiction? 18 for strong violence, sex references and hard drug use.

Who did Jon Cryer play in Clarissa Explains it AllHe was never in it but a lot of people seem to think he looks like a grown up Ferguson.

Who are Matt Smith’s parents? There’s a Doctor Who pun to be had but I will ignore it. You can find his mum on Twitter, she likes “all things Fabulous”.

Who is Edgar Wright dating? Not Anna Kendrick. That’s as deep as my knowledge goes.

Social concern about Jurassic Park? Well the first thing to worry about is the misuse of science. The second is OH MY GOD THE DINOSAURS ARE ALIVE AND TRYING TO EAT MY FACE!!!

Rupert Grint’s acting ability? On average about 6.32 out of 10. Source

rupert grint chart

Why is David Cameron such a prick? His upbringing perhaps? Or something to do with having to live with that face 24/7.

Why does Mama DVD have no extras? They’ve put them all on the Blu-Ray to try to make you buy that instead. That aside the film is AWFUL so why are you even buying it?

He loves me he loves me not He loves you!

Is there an alpha gibbon? Yes.

Dancing as a metaphore for freedom in 1984 Footloose First of all that is not how you spell metaphor. Second of all… yes. Footloose is clearly a subtle adaptation of George Orwell’s 1984.

Is Simon Bird in Plebs? No. The lead actor is Tom Rosenthal who stars in Friday Night Dinner with Simon Bird so you were close.

Lead female in Philomena? Seriously?! Who is the lead in Philomena?! Dame Judi Dench you ignorant fool!

Movie with yellow Volkswagen Well Little Miss Sunshine and Footloose both feature a prominent yellow VW. Were either of those what you were thinking?

When is Me Myself and Mum in general release in the UK? Still no idea which is a shame as it was the best film I saw last year. You can get it on DVD though.

Who was Andy Dick’s character in Laputa: Castle in the Sky? He voiced Henri. For future reference let me introduce you to the Internet Movie Database. You’ll love it.

I thought I’d finish by answering a question nobody asked; just what proportion of search terms related to Michael Fassbender’s appendage? The answer is below:

Infrequently Asked Questions 2012

Shame Full Frontal

People of the internet find Mild Concern through a wide variety of search terms and one of the more curious ways I spend my time is keeping an eye on what people Google to end up on this humble blog. I do feel sorry for a large number of Googlers when I can see that they aren’t going to find what they searched for here.

By far the most popular unsuccessful search the film fans of the world embarked on was trying to find some images of the nudity in Shame. They wanted to see Michael Fassbender and, to a lesser extent, Carey Mulligan in the all-together and were surely disappointed to find not a single bit of genitalia on display. I apologise to you, the internet, and to make it up to you I will now answer a selection of questions people entered into Google in 2012 which led them erroneously to Mild Concern. Now if they do their search again their questions will be answered.

All of these questions are genuine, and tell you a lot about the world today…

Is The Skin I Live In in English? No, it is in Spanish and is not for the squeamish.

How old is Yoda’s actor now? Frank Oz is 68.

Is that a wig? No, my hair is all natural.

Is there nudity in 388 Arletta Avenue? No. It does contain “one scene of strong gore and horror”.

How many times is “Harry Potter” said in the movies? I counted 107 but then I did fall asleep a lot.

Is Die Hard a survival movie? I guess so… although I’d say a survival movie would be someone battling against nature or the supernatural not Alan Rickman with a dodgy accent.

Is Cool Runnings a Christmas film? It is in my family.

Why is Rupert Giles called Ripper? Giles gained the nickname Ripper in his younger days when dabbling in the dark arts with five friends. Presumably it is an allusion to Jack the Ripper.

When is Fast Girls out on DVD? It’s out! Sorry we didn’t get to this question sooner.

Where was We Built a Zoo filmed? We Bought a Zoo was filmed in California.

Heroes Season 3 what is with Claire’s hair? Hayden Panettiere cut her hair and so had to wear a terrible, terrible wig.

What is the twist in Cabin in the Woods? There isn’t one.

What episodes of Misfits have sex in them? A lot of them so I wouldn’t watch if you’re too prudish nor skip any episode for fear of a sex deficit.

What football team does Nicholas Hoult support? I don’t know. I’m really sorry.

Who is on the front of After Porn Ends? Mary Carey

Why do people like Doctor Who? It is scary, funny, and has a lot of heart. Also, Karen Gillan is hot.

Is the Life of Pi film made not in non 3D? It was made in 3D so… yes? 3D is not in non 3D.

Why don’t people like Dr Who? They find it childish, silly, and irritating? Stephen knows.

Does After Porn Ends have nudity? Yes. Not one for the family.

How big is Kevin Smith’s fan base approximately? He has over 2 million Twitter followers and one fan who thinks I am a parasite.

How violent is Sightseers? Violent in short bursts with plenty of blood and caved-in skulls. All the deaths are swift though, this is no Hostel.

What happened to Cameron Crowe? He returned! With We Bought a Zoo and Pearl Jam Twenty. I saw neither.

How accurate is Lawless movie? It doesn’t matter, the film is boring as hell.

Is Ethan Hunt married in Ghost Protocol? Yes, to Julia Meade played by Michelle Monaghan.

Is Michael Cera mean? He seems lovely.

Is NOW TV worth it? Certainly not. Though they provide lots of lovely cocktails.

What is the guy’s name from Footloose that plays on Third Rock from the Sun? John Lithgow

Where can I see the complete pilot episode of BBC Lizzie and Sarah? Nowhere legal I’m afraid. Ask your most internet savvy friend and see if they can help.

Is there a disorder consisting of rape, dismembering, necrophilia, and cannibalism? I don’t think that is a disorder. That is you doing unthinkable sexual things to someone before and after killing them and then eating the remains. GET HELP!

How violent is the film I, Anna? “In one scene of violence a man and woman fight before a heavy ornament is used to strike a blow to the head. In another scene the victim of a violent death is found lying on a heavily bloodstained carpet with a bloodied face.”

What is pyjamas party? Attractive young women spend the night together gossiping, playing games, and fighting with pillows in slow motion and skimpy pyjamas. That or you stay up all night watching films at the Prince Charles cinema.

What’s the film about couple gets handcuffed together at a music festival? You Instead

I hope that clears things up. (If you want to see Fassbender’s penis Google will show it to you. The thing terrifies me.)

Rev. Shaw Moore Investigates Dance Films; an Enterprise Fraught with Genuine Peril, Easy Sexuality, and Relaxed Morality

Following the success of their first All Night Movie Marathon Pyjama Party The Prince Charles Cinema in London hosted a second pyjama-based event a few weekends ago with an overnight screening of six back to back dance film classics.

Joining us for round two of sleep deprivation via cinema was the Reverend Shaw Moore, a fictional character from the film Footloose as played by John Lithgow (you’re going to have to commit to this delusion I’m afraid). Moore has some pretty strict ideas about music and dancing, above you can see him looking on in horror at some girl on girl dance action in Dirty Dancing.

Always willing to give an opinionated individual a platform to express their opinions I am leaving the film run-down to Moore as he tests his theory that dancing is an enterprise which is fraught with genuine peril. Over to you Reverend.
Continue reading

Out Now – 14th October 2011

Albatross
Her from Downton Abbey plays a rebellious aspiring novelist who corrupts a sweet young girl, played by our favourite chipmunk-faced* actress Felicity Jones, and sleeps with her father. Someone whose opinion I respect wasn’t exactly bowled over by the film, but when Ms Jones is involved I can’t resist.

Dolphin Tale
From the one sentence I’ve read about this film it sounds like Free Willy with a slightly smaller mammal at the centre of the story. An 82% fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes suggests this may be better than I expect, film snob that I am.

First Night
Richard E. Grant starring in a romantic comedy about an amateur opera singer. WARNING: Also includes Sarah Brightman, last seen terrifying everyone at the 2008 Olympics.

Footloose
Kevin Bacon Kenny Wormald and John Lithgow Dennis Quaid star in one of my most loved feared films of all time. The soundtrack will have you belting out classics for days longing for simpler, Kenny Loggins-filled, times. This is one film which has had a huge impact on popular culture my sanity of late.

Real Steel
This is one odd family film, perfect if you’ve ever wanted to sit down with the kids and cheer on Hugh Jackman as he beats up a bull using a giant robot for petty cash. Marvel as robots fight each other and your minds wanders trying to remember all the random roles Hope Davis has played.

Sleeping Beauty
It was claimed that Emily Browning’s short skirts in Sucker Punch were exploitative (and probably were), but now she’s getting it all out it is considered art. That’s the beauty of cinema! I understand the need to distance yourself from earlier childhood roles but it would be nice to see her in a film where her character isn’t sexually exploited by anyone. Hey look, a trailer.

Texas Killing Fields
“In the Texas bayous, a local homicide detective teams up with a cop from New York City to investigate a series of unsolved murders.” Nothing too exciting here though it does co-star Chloë Grace Moretz who uses stronger profanity with each film she appears in. Having used the C-word already she may need some inspiration, how about “ginger bottom” courtesy of the Foul-O-Matic?

Amélie (limited release)
A rare French film in that it somehow became relatively mainstream in Britain. It doesn’t hurt that Audrey Tautou is adorable and the film looks gorgeous, and surprisingly yellow. I recommend seeing this modern classic on the big screen if you haven’t already.

Everything Must Go (limited release)
A movie so good we reviewed it twice. Not the crazy comedy you might expect from Will Ferrell, instead a more sedate affair as a man struggles with alcoholism while forced to live on his own front lawn. Includes a token “unlikely friendship” between Ferrell and a young boy.

Retreat (limited release)
“Kate and Martin escape from personal tragedy to an island retreat. Cut off from the outside world, their attempts to recover are shattered when a Man is washed ashore, with news of airborne killer disease that is sweeping through Europe.” You might think being trapped on an island retreat would be a pleasant experience but wait… they’re in SCOTLAND!

The Greatest Movie Ever Sold (limited release)
Watch Morgan Spurlock try to raise funds for this very film through sponsorship and product placement deals as the world of advertising within films is supposedly revealed in full. Intriguing but perhaps a little self involved?

*And I say that with all the love and respect in the world.

For the Love of Footloose, The Story of a Modern Dance Classic

1984 has always been a year synonymous with the idea of oppression and the rebellion against it. For many this is down to George Orwell’s classic novel Nineteen Eighty-Four, featuring a hypothetical future Big Brother state and Winston Smith, a man who is sick of obeying every rule and wants to turn it loose. When 1984 finally came round one film embodied the spirit of Orwell’s dystopia with a dance twist. That film was Footloose, with its oppressive small town where music and dancing were banned. All it took was one man, Ren McCormack as played by Kevin Bacon, to arrive with the passion and drive to try to organise the greatest rebellion of all: a prom. The plot may sound a bit ridiculous but in true “you couldn’t make this up” fashion, it is based on a true story.

As Winston Smith battled against the Ministry of Truth, Ren McCormack came up against Reverend Shaw Moore (the eternally fantastic John Lithgow). Both Ren and Winston were fighting for their freedom, the freedom to think, the freedom to dance and, ultimately, the freedom to love. In the end only one of these rebels was successful, the other left with a broken spirit and no burning, no yearning and no urge to tear up the town.

Both set in 1984, both about oppressed individuals fighting an unfair system, but only Footloose has the uplifting ending with a bit of a scuffle followed by crazy dancing and a tender moment in a field. Worth noting that Nineteen Eighty-Four did have a tender moment in a forest but I’d happily go so far as to say that Nineteen Eighty-Four is a bit of a downer, great literature certainly, but for a great bit of cinema it has to be Footloose.*

Bizarrely for a film dealing with sexuality and violence, for its UK cinema release Footloose accepted almost three minutes of cuts so that the BBFC would grant it a PG rating. In America similar edits were made to bring the rating down from an R to a PG. Thankfully these scenes, including love interest and preacher’s daughter Ariel being beaten by her boyfriend and Ren being offered a joint, were reinstated for the VHS, DVD and now Blu-ray releases, along with some male nudity for the ladies.

Sadly Footloose was not a huge hit with the critics and still only has a 57%** fresh rating at Rotten Tomatoes. If only we were eligible we could bring that up to 58%; trust me, I’ve done the maths. America’s most respected film critic Roger Ebert gave the film just one and a half stars out of four (not five, he’s wacky that way) and his review can be summed up in its opening sentence, “Footloose is a seriously confused movie that tries to do three things, and does all of them badly.” For context, he did give The Phantom Menace three and a half stars, so I suppose no critic is right all of the time. Sadly the UK’s greatest film critic, Mark Kermode, doesn’t have a review I can find but did recently call it a “guilty pleasure and a half”.

Regardless of the critics reaction, Footloose was a success. Made for just over $8 million Footloose recouped its budget in its opening weekend where it took the top spot at the box office, a position it held for a total of three weeks. Over its eighteen weeks in cinemas Footloose was in the top ten for all but two weeks. Compare that with a more modern dance film and they simply do not measure up; I blame a lack of plot and a major hole where Kevin Bacon doing an angry dance should be.

Not just a commercial success, Footloose also picked up two Oscar nominations for best song, for “Footloose” and “Let’s Hear It for the Boy”. Both songs, along with many others on the soundtrack, were written especially for the film by Dean Pitchford the Footloose screenwriter. No wonder the background music always sounded so perfect for the scene.

Since its original release Footloose has been made into a stage musical in 1999, a show that can still be found in the village halls of Cornwall if nowhere else. The impact of the film can be felt further afield than this theatrical adaptation as popular culture is littered with references to the 1984 classic. We recently made a video (found on YouTube) collecting 41 references and homages to Footloose, a true testament to the longevity of this film. My personal favourite being an episode of Flight of the Conchords where one character dances in a barn in true Kevin Bacon style (embedded below). Worth noting too is that in the month since compiling these clips, at least two more references have been made in US TV shows making my video instantly redundant.

Not content with a classic 80’s film and a West End and Broadway musical, in 2007/2008 Paramount announced that they would make a musical remake of Footloose. This film was originally to come from High School Musical‘s director Kenny Ortega and star Zac Efron, but both eventually left the project. In 2010 these were then replaced by Craig Brewer and Kenny Wormald respectively and at this point the film moved from being a musical to a more straightforward remake as Brewer details in a recent interview. After much trepidation on this fan’s part the film is finally out tomorrow and it still remains to be seen whether it matches the original or not. Either way it is important to remember that no remake can tarnish an original work. We will always have the 1984 version of Footloose, and it will never stop being a joy to watch.

Footloose may have a corny plot but I can unequivocally say that it is my favourite film. Hopefully with the attention drawn to it by the remake we can get a few more people to enjoy this cheesy piece of 80’s dance cinema and then can shut up about it once and for all.

*Not everyone at Mild Concern agrees with this for some reason.
**Down from the 59% it was at a few days ago when I started this post, thanks to this guy.