Infrequently Asked Questions 2013

Michael Fassbender Pianist

Following the success of last year’s Infrequently Asked Questions I have decided to repeat the exercise in the hopes of satisfying lost Googlers. The concept is simple, I trawl through all the search terms from 2013 that lead to this site and answer any questions people had that they would not have found the answer to on Mild Concern. The only questions I will ignore are people looking for various actors in a state of undress; there is a limit to what I will do for hits.

As with last year the most popular search query was people searching for nude pictures of Michael Fassbender, pictures that sound very similar to how you might describe the above picture… For the full stats on that particular search term see the pie chart at the end of this post.

Did the actors play their instruments in A Late Quartet? The cast studied their instruments to at least look like they were playing them but no, it is not their playing that you hear in the film.

Anyone know the sunglasses Giovanni Ribisi wore in Gangster Squad? Not entirely sure but he is the face of Barton Perreira eyewear. Apparently.

Are there snakes in The Hunger Games? Look carefully in the credits and you’ll find Jonwilder Lee Bartlett credited as “snake wrangler”. But can I remember any snakes? No.

Does After Porn Ends show nudity? Yes. You all asked this last year. IT IS A FILM ABOUT PORN STARS!!!

Does Claire wear a wig in Lost? Not at first but in flashbacks she certainly does and from memory she wears one on the island in later years. Sometimes an actress cuts her hair. Things happen.

How much swearing is in Philomena? Let’s ask the BBFC: “There are two uses of strong language (‘f**k’). Milder language includes the terms ‘bloody’, ‘crap’; ‘fecking’, ‘shit’, ‘shite’ and ‘tits’.”

How much of Philomena is based on fact? Most of it. Philomena is a real woman who was forced to give up her son and did not mention it for fifty years. She was also helped by Martin Sixsmith and they did indeed discover the thing that they discovered in the film. (No spoilers here.) The only thing that was fabricated was that in real life Philomena did not make the trip to America with Martin but followed his progress through phone calls.

Do you need to see Avengers Assemble before seeing Thor: The Dark World? Not really no. So long as you know that Thor is from another world, has an evil brother, and pines for Natalie Portman who is living on Earth then you’re all set.

Natalie Portman Thor wellies? Not so much a question but an oddly frequent request. Here you go perverts:

Portman Wellies

Do you like Doctor Who? Yes thanks, as does Kat, but we didn’t care much for the latest Christmas special. Stephen loathes it though if you’d prefer a balanced view.

Why do people like Doctor Who so much? It is scary, funny, and has a lot of heart. Also, Jenna Coleman is hot.

I don’t get Doctor Who He’s a centuries old alien who travels through time in a spaceship the shape of a police telephone box. The box is massive on the inside and he only has a limited number of lives which was recently reset due to receiving new regeneration energy via a rift in space from his home plant. He likes to travel with an assistant who is normally young, female, attractive and human. What’s not to get?

What is premise of How I Met Your Mother? I’ll take this slow for you. A man. Is telling his kids. How he met their mother. Admittedly he takes his sweet time but it’s not that hard to understand. Maybe they confused you by writing the title in the second person?

Is Lily in How I Met Your Mother bisexual? From the HIMYM wiki: “Lily could be bisexual, this could be proven as she said in one episode that she wants to have a lesbian experience, and that she told Robin she had a great ass. She also admitted to having some romantic dreams about Robin. It stated that whenever she drink martinis she wants to make out with Robin and she has dreams about her when she’s pregnant.”

What are Tim Burton’s Batman movies? Batman and Batman Returns. Now let me introduce you to IMDb, it will save us both some time.

Was The Strangers movie connected to The Cabin in the Woods? Not any more than every other horror film ever made. In many ways The Cabin in the Woods provides an alternative way to watch The Strangers in a non-canon way and those masks are awfully similar…

The Cabin in the Woods The Strangers

What team does Nicholas Hoult support? You asked this last year and I still don’t know. I have tweeted him to ask so we’ll just have to wait and see.

Where does Nicholas Hoult stay at in California? How would I know and why do you care? Stop trying to stalk Nicholas Hoult and get yourself a nice boyfriend instead.

What’s new pussycat? Not much thanks.

What’s the film called that was released on boxing day in 2012? How specific! Grabbers, Jack Reacher, Midnight’s Children, Parental Guidance, Safety Not Guaranteed, and Zaytoun.

What has happened to Cameron Crowe? Since you asked last year he has written and directed a film starring Emma Stone, Bradley Cooper, and Rachel McAdams. I’m hoping for another Almost Famous and not another We Bought a Zoo.

What certificate is Pulp Fiction? 18 for strong violence, sex references and hard drug use.

Who did Jon Cryer play in Clarissa Explains it AllHe was never in it but a lot of people seem to think he looks like a grown up Ferguson.

Who are Matt Smith’s parents? There’s a Doctor Who pun to be had but I will ignore it. You can find his mum on Twitter, she likes “all things Fabulous”.

Who is Edgar Wright dating? Not Anna Kendrick. That’s as deep as my knowledge goes.

Social concern about Jurassic Park? Well the first thing to worry about is the misuse of science. The second is OH MY GOD THE DINOSAURS ARE ALIVE AND TRYING TO EAT MY FACE!!!

Rupert Grint’s acting ability? On average about 6.32 out of 10. Source

rupert grint chart

Why is David Cameron such a prick? His upbringing perhaps? Or something to do with having to live with that face 24/7.

Why does Mama DVD have no extras? They’ve put them all on the Blu-Ray to try to make you buy that instead. That aside the film is AWFUL so why are you even buying it?

He loves me he loves me not He loves you!

Is there an alpha gibbon? Yes.

Dancing as a metaphore for freedom in 1984 Footloose First of all that is not how you spell metaphor. Second of all… yes. Footloose is clearly a subtle adaptation of George Orwell’s 1984.

Is Simon Bird in Plebs? No. The lead actor is Tom Rosenthal who stars in Friday Night Dinner with Simon Bird so you were close.

Lead female in Philomena? Seriously?! Who is the lead in Philomena?! Dame Judi Dench you ignorant fool!

Movie with yellow Volkswagen Well Little Miss Sunshine and Footloose both feature a prominent yellow VW. Were either of those what you were thinking?

When is Me Myself and Mum in general release in the UK? Still no idea which is a shame as it was the best film I saw last year. You can get it on DVD though.

Who was Andy Dick’s character in Laputa: Castle in the Sky? He voiced Henri. For future reference let me introduce you to the Internet Movie Database. You’ll love it.

I thought I’d finish by answering a question nobody asked; just what proportion of search terms related to Michael Fassbender’s appendage? The answer is below:

Ramsay Street to Prime Time, Neighbours Stars in American TV

With my favourite former Neighbours star set to debut her new American series on BBC2 tonight I have decided to look back at the actors who have escaped from the show my sister used to make me watch, and are now regulars on American TV. These are the success stories.

Margot Robbie
Where did you come from?
Back on Ramsay Street Robbie played Donna Freedman, notable for wearing dungarees, hiding the departure of her father, being Ringo’s girlfriend and kissing Sunny, the least convincing exchange student ever. After a rocky start in the fashion industry Donna eventually left to study in New York.
Where did you go?
In one of the biggest hits of the new US TV season Robbie stars alongside Christina Ricci in Pan Am. Following the exploits of a group of air stewardesses, Robbie’s character Laura is on the run from her mundane life and is on a search for adventures in the sky and across the globe in the 60s. Pan Am premieres on BBC2 tonight (16th Nov) at 9pm.

Jesse Spencer
Where did you come from?
Spencer started his career in Neighbours as Billy Kennedy, son of soap royalty Karl and Susan. After five years of adventures including a kissing contest and carpentry, Spencer got bored and left the show, only to return once for a cameo in 2005.
Where did you go?
Now Spencer co-stars in one of TV’s most popular dramas as Dr. Robert Chase in House. Starring alongside fellow import Hugh Laurie, Spencer has solved many a medical mystery, gained and lost a fiancĂ©e, and left and rejoined the team at least once. House currently airs on Sky1.
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What Did We Miss?

Bad news: The only film news to report from Portugal is that Youth in Revolt is still in cinemas over there.

Good news: Nothing much seems to have happened while we were away, in fact only two stories caught my eye while I skimmed Empire after watching Lost.

First of all we have news that Dilbert may be heading for the big screen. Yes I enjoy the comics strips but the TV series was awful and the office based comedy had been done, and done well. Office Space has said all that needed to be said about working in an office and The Office filled in any gaps long ago. Heck you’ve even got Drones taking up any potential office based alien humour.

The other bit of interesting news was the fact that Alice in Wonderland has passed the $1 billion mark in very quiet fashion. Without all the pomp and hype of Avatar Alice has somehow been drawing in the big bucks. I like this simply because it is unexpected and the film did not mark itself out as a big hitter in the way the likes of Avatar do.

There plenty of other news, something about an actress I’ve never heard of being cast in Transformers 3, but you’ve got IMDb for that.

Out Now – 2nd April 2010

We can move on from all the Kick Ass and How to Train Your Dragon release date confusion as today films come out for reals.

Clash of the Titans
All you really need to know has already been said; here is the pro and the con. I’m not seeing it because it’s 3D near me and I’m making a tiny little stand. Titans will clash, enough said.

Remember Me
Wooooo, it’s Edward from Twilight!!1! How dare Claire from Lost be kissing him, he’s Bella’s! This looks bad, saved possibly by the lovely Emilie De Ravin but I’m not going to risk it.

Psycho (limited release)
Psycho is a good film and is being re-released in some cinemas, though lord knows where. If it’s near you go and see it, it genuinely scared the crap out of me when I was far too young to be watching it.

Double Take (limited release)
I don’t remotely understand this film. It involves manipulated clips of Hitchcock along with footage from the era and a Hitchcock double to create a plot about a paranoid history professor. I want to see it just so I can understand it.

Samson & Delilah (limited release)
An Australian film following two young aboriginal teens who steal a car and go on a journey. Interesting.

Forget 3D, We Need Better Wig Technology

Watching this weeks Lost reminded just how bad Claire’s new wig is and how bad wigs on TV are in general. In light of this I made a little collection of some of the worst TV wigs in recent years, oddly all blonde women. Now read on as I try to sound like I know something about women’s hair.

Kristen Bell as Veronica Mars in Veronica Mars
Most episodes of the first season of Veronica Mars included a flashback featuring Veronica with longer hair. Sadly this hair was in the form of a horrible, flat, unconvincing wig that ruined my concentration. I think the biggest giveaway was the complete lack of styling given to the hair, it looked like the wig was just plonked on before the scene began with no real care. In later years when Bell grew out her hair it was even more obvious that that just wasn’t how Veronica Mars would look with long locks.

Hayden Panettiere as Claire in Heroes
In early Heroes episodes Claire’s hair was real but in later season she started donning a wig, presumably because Panettiere had dyed her hair and the show would lose even more viewers should the cheerleader stop being blonde. Sadly the wig was a weak illusion as it sat lifeless on her head with an odd amount of bulk at the back where her own lengthy hair was all bunched up.

Elizabeth Banks as Avery Jessup in 30 Rock
The oddest thing about this instance of wiggery is that as Banks is wearing a wig pretty much identical to her normal hair, the wig seems plain unnecessary. As with the other wigs it was a bulky failure, the hair looking all dry and straw like. This is not the glossy mane of a Hollywood star! Most other instances of wig have a reason but I just don’t see why Banks has to wear one. Madness.

Emilie De Ravin as Claire in Lost
Sadly this Claire is a double offender, having sported two equally obvious wigs during the series. The first, seen on the left, was for a flashback and was to save De Ravin from having to dye her hair. The picture way up top shows her latest wig which is a big crazed mess. This tangled wiggy masterpiece is possibly the least terrible of the lot as the surrounding layer of crazy slightly masks the giveaway bulkiness of the hair beneath the wig. If it’d been up to me I’d just back-comb her hair everyday.

The main problems with these wigs is the lack of styling, the straw-like texture of the hair and the inevitable heft of the actresses’ real barnet beneath the wig. Sort it out! Nothing can ruin the realism of a scene more than an obvious wig. Or I’m just weird. The upcoming Scott Pilgrim is also worrying me with the appearance of wiggery in the promo stills.

Now I’m off to wrestle a bear, or do something equally manly.