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Justice
Nicholas Cage continues to make terrible films with this action thriller in which his wife, played by the ever-bland January Jones, is captured forcing Cage to employ a vigilante group. Why does Guy Pearce keep making such erratic film choices?

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1
OMFG, Bella and Edward totally get married at last!!! I was a die-hard Team Jacob fan but at least this leaves him for the rest of us, right girls?! I hear Bella and Edward have mad crazy whoopie and she gets all pregnant with a demon or something. CANNOT WAIT!! Lolz

American Cheerleader Secrets (limited release)
This American sex comedy was released in the US last year but only on DVD so it is bizarre that it is getting a limited release in Apollo cinemas here in the UK. “A pair of horny college guys get summer jobs at a sexy cheerleader camp.” It’s an 18… what more do you need to know?

How to Stop Being a Loser (limited release)
Be careful who you invite to see this with you. Advertised as the British Hitch, a synopsis the trailer fully supports, this comedy features all the people you’ve ever seen on mediocre British TV shows. Man, I hated Hitch.

Magic Trip (limited release)
In 1964 Ken Kesey and the Merry Prankster took a road trip across America in a rainbow school bus. Footage shot at the time has now been edited into a documentary. I wish I knew who Ken Kesey and the Merry Prankster were without having to Google them.

Snowtown (limited release)
Telling the true story of serial murders in an Australian suburb, Snowtown is grim, disturbing but excellently made. I think it is a brilliant film, but wouldn’t pick it for a fun film on a Friday night.

Special Forces (limited release)
Diane Kruger stars as a French journalist in Afghanistan who is kidnapped by the Taliban.

Welcome to the Rileys (limited release)
As strategic release for this indie film trying to ride on Twilight‘s coattails. When you’re done watching Kristen Stewart marry a vampire why not watch her play a prostitute being saved by James Gandolfini?

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There are a good few films out this week on limited release that are likely filled with substance and artistic intent but I know nothing about any of them and am caving in the the commercial behemoth that dominates the day.

The Twilight Saga: Eclipse

All the true Twilight fans will have already seen the film during it’s previews last weekend but I’m sure thousands will clamour to cinemas this weekend to see Edward brood and Jacob take of his shirt to reveal his only just legal torso. This has the honour of being regarded as the best of the saga so far but even if that is true you won’t catch me buying a ticket. With just seven months between the previous film and this, I can’t see how a movie of any real quality can have been made.

Forget the cinema this weekend. Go outside, see some old friends and have a barbecue. Maybe watch some DVDs in the evening, a foreign horror perhaps. Just don’t get sucked into a film where vampires sparkle.

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A bad trailer this week for a parody, and I use the term loosely, of Twilight called Vampires Suck. The film follows in the fashion of the later Scary Movies and their offspring in looking unfunny and lacking any wit. Waht happened to the Airplanes and Top Secrets of satire?

Watch the trailer below then come inside as I show you precisely why this film will be bad as I strive to create “original content”.

And now let’s get our teeth stuck in… (ahahahaha) Read more »

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Uhoh, before they could even reach terrifying amounts of angst Twilight fans have been getting a bit too frightened in American cinemas. Apparently the trailer for Paranormal Activity 2 which is shown with the film is just too frightening to be shown with the film and people are complaining. It has even been pulled from cinemas in Texas.

I’ll admit the trailer is scary but to go see a film about vampires and werewolves and then complain when you get scared? Grow up.

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I don’t know about you but I heard endless amounts about The Runaways during it’s production and up to its release. There were production stills, on-set photos and endless interviews with everyone’s favourite angsty actress Kristen Stewart and it looked like the true Twihards would be flocking out in droves to support the actress they managed to get the Orange Rising Star award at this year’s BAFTAs.

Oddly though as The Runaways ended it’s run in America this week it had taken just $3,626,540 worldwide. Admittedly it was only on limited release but it got a lot of buzz and the Twilight connection brought it plenty of attention so there’s no reason it couldn’t have built up to more screen and made at least its budget back.

This could reveal that Twilight is all about the franchise itself and not the actors within it. Stewart has been shown to have little to no audience drawing power on her own, though perhaps her male counterparts would fare better as they are more often the target of the seemingly endless supply of screaming fangirls. It’s a shame really as Kristen Stewart is a good actress, Twilight aside, and has been in some good films. She just probably shouldn’t be the biggest name in her next feature.

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